So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
