I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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