Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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