Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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