Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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