Duck Duck Cougar?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
