conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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