you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
