i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
