I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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