so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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