is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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