I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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