I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
