Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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