which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
