god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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