This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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