I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
