I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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