We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
