did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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