I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
