i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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