I'm really into asian looking animals
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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