3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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