Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
