WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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