Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
