it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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