I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
