I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
