sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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