I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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