apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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