Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
my liver is dry heaving
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
