The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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