Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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