I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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