I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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