the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
