I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
