Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
