is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
