Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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