i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just threw up on my dentist
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
