I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
