you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
