Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
operation have a gay friend backfired
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
