well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
