oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
