he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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