i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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