remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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