i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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