i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
