Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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