i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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