i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
