My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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