Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
