i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
