The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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