Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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