i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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