i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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