Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
