Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
