I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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